Losing control

I would dearly love for parenting to come with a manual on exactly how to raise your precious bundle without becoming a completely neurotic maniac. Since becoming a mother I have found myself in repeated scenarios of the following; J exhibits some 'abnormal (abnormal by who's standards you might ask....... so do I!)  or suboptimal' behaviour. Calm mother says to herself " don't worry, its just a phase heaps of children do this, it will pass.  " Anxious mother then takes over "better research this and work this out otherwise its a downward spiral from there and will set up lifelong problems later on.".

I like to think of myself as the calm zen mother who can brush concerns aside and trust in the process........ Yes beautiful dream, who am I kidding?  I think I am probably a little more on the other side, out comes the iPad and I google furiously ...... 'How to get 10 month baby to eat more than puree.'  I speak to other friends who have had similar issues and together with my reading I formulate a plan of attack. Gradually a distinct sense of calm replaces the desperate feeling of lack of control. After a good nights sleep I wake up feeling more rational and suddenly feel much less worried about the whole situation.  I get on with life until the next drama presents itself.

More and more I realise that this journey is about learning to let go. I work in a job where I have a great deal of control and by my own actions, am able to a certain extent, dictate the path that a situation will play out. I don't have that ability in motherhood. It is very unsettling and disturbing to  me. Learning to let go is so hard, but I am learning. I am told by my friends who have older children that it never stops.  So here's to losing control! Hopefully I can do it somewhat gracefully and without losing my mind!

Quote of the day

I have just finished reading Fiona Higgins novel 'The Mothers' Group'. Quite enjoyed it as it was a quick and easy read and something I could really relate to. I think the best part about it however, was the opening quote.

" The mothers agree that indeed the years do fly. It's the days that don't. The hours, minutes of a single day sometimes just stop. And a mother finds herself standing in the middle of a room wondering. Wondering. Years fly. Of course they do. But a mother can gag on a day." Jain Sherrard

I am very grateful for a lovely mothers group. Ten very different women from extremely different backgrounds. I honestly didn't think it would work, but the support and generosity shared between all of us has really created a group that genuinely cares for one another. Sharing the daily ups and downs of motherhood with others going through a similar process has been so rewarding!

Balance - what is it?

Its been months since my last post and in this time so much has happened. Little J is now 8 months old and trying very hard to walk.... he seems to want independence faster than is humanly possible. The past few months have been easier in some ways and harder in others.

Going back to work has been both a liberating yet petrifying experience in both a professional and personal sense. Leaving J was difficult although I was surprised not to have the guilt ridden angst so often talked about by many working mothers. (Does that make me a bad mother??) I am lucky to have amazing family support and a hubby that have facilitated this almost seamless transition back to work.

Trying to coordinate everything has been much harder than I ever expected and sometimes the struggle to achieve this concept of balance seems like a battle that cannot be won. I have come to the conclusion that perhaps there really is no such thing as balance and at any one time we are like tight rope walkers just trying not to tip over and in the process often overcompensate by leaning in the opposite direction.

It has been encouraging to read and talk to other friends' about their journeys in trying to achieve this elusive balance between family life, careers and personal endeavours. One of my favourite blogs comes from my friend Lisa - http://lisamckaywriting.wordpress.com , it is not only a very honest and open account of Lisa's life and thoughts but is very funny and extremely thought provoking.

It has also been wonderful to have the time to do a few other non baby related things. Recently I was lucky enough to go to a masterclass as part of the Melbourne food and wine festival and went to see Stevie Parle, UK 2010 young chef of the year speak and cook. He is a very down to earth cook who believes in simple, whole food cooking. His recipes are simple and really lovely. His pea pilaf and chicken liver with 7 spices was delicious and easy to make (pictured above). I am enjoying reading his new book 'Real Home Cooking From Around The World', and looking forward to trying a number of the recipes!