Losing control

I would dearly love for parenting to come with a manual on exactly how to raise your precious bundle without becoming a completely neurotic maniac. Since becoming a mother I have found myself in repeated scenarios of the following; J exhibits some 'abnormal (abnormal by who's standards you might ask....... so do I!)  or suboptimal' behaviour. Calm mother says to herself " don't worry, its just a phase heaps of children do this, it will pass.  " Anxious mother then takes over "better research this and work this out otherwise its a downward spiral from there and will set up lifelong problems later on.".

I like to think of myself as the calm zen mother who can brush concerns aside and trust in the process........ Yes beautiful dream, who am I kidding?  I think I am probably a little more on the other side, out comes the iPad and I google furiously ...... 'How to get 10 month baby to eat more than puree.'  I speak to other friends who have had similar issues and together with my reading I formulate a plan of attack. Gradually a distinct sense of calm replaces the desperate feeling of lack of control. After a good nights sleep I wake up feeling more rational and suddenly feel much less worried about the whole situation.  I get on with life until the next drama presents itself.

More and more I realise that this journey is about learning to let go. I work in a job where I have a great deal of control and by my own actions, am able to a certain extent, dictate the path that a situation will play out. I don't have that ability in motherhood. It is very unsettling and disturbing to  me. Learning to let go is so hard, but I am learning. I am told by my friends who have older children that it never stops.  So here's to losing control! Hopefully I can do it somewhat gracefully and without losing my mind!