There’s a Hippopotamus on the Hospital Roof Eating Cake!

I love reading books to my boys, and fortunately both seem to really enjoy this special time we have together. Sometimes the books are fun and I really enjoy them myself. Other times the stories are so mundane I feel like ripping my hair out!  My little one is Thomas obsessed and I find these stories so painful! It always makes me giggle when I know the book by heart and can close my eyes and be on autopilot! Trouble is most of the time the kids have also memorised the stories and they know if you ‘accidentally’ skip a part.

I have found that books have been a particularly useful tool for prepping children for events or certain situations. A common scenario that parents need to prepare their children for is medical procedures or visits to medical professionals. If children have good first experiences in these situations it generally sets them up for more positive future appointments. I often take a bit of artistic license when I am reading the stories particularly when they have a medical slant on them.

One of these books, There’s a Hippopotamus on the Hospital Roof Eating Cake, comes from a series of books by Melbourne based writer Hazel Edwards. The story basically describes the hospital experience of a child who has likely appendicitis (they never say what it is but that’s my expert guess ha!) and his imaginary friend the hippopotamus. 

The child has to have an operation and as he is taken into the operating room, he is instructed to ‘breathe slowly’ by the nurse and after that ‘everything goes black’. The illustration accompanying this is a nurse holding a black mask over the child’s face. When I first read this to J, I changed the words to ‘Breathe slowly’ said the anaesthetist! I then explained that mummy’s job was putting the patient to sleep and the nurse also was there to help look after the patient. This book was a favourite for months and each time we would discuss the procedures that would occur if one were ever to have to go to hospital for an operation.

J loved re-enacting the operating room scene and I slowly added embellishments like putting an IV cannula and infusing fluids/analgesia. When it came to that inevitable time when J fell at the park, lacerating his face and needed a general anaesthetic for sutures, he was well prepared. 

Most children and parents find a hospital admission daunting but with J on the spectrum I was pretty worried about how he would react. I played out several scenarios in my head – most of them traumatic but in the end, it turned out to be far better than I could have imagined as he had been well prepped. He came out of the experience wanting to do more play acting – except he wanted to be the anaesthetist! Another positive is he also now understands a bit more what his mum does for work.

It made me realise the importance of books and social stories in the preparation of children for unexpected events particularly ones involving hospitals / doctors. The key is to find a story that your child can relate to, be it because of the actual scenario or the character involved. If you child is a Dora fan then find a Dora themed story and so forth.  Social stories are useful for children with autism who often thrive on routine and familiarity, but they can also be invaluable for any child who has to face an unusual or frightening situation. Suffice to say if a child’s first experience having surgery or seeing a GP is a traumatic one, they are far less likely going to cooperate with you on the next visit.

Some other books/resources that we have found useful include

Elmo goes to the Doctor by Sarah Albee

Dora Goes to the Doctor/Dora Goes to the Dentist by Ellen Rosebrough

The Berenstain Bears Go to the Doctor by Stan Berenstain

Royal Children's Hospital Melbourne website

Note most children’s hospitals in each capital city have great website resources available to the public and easily accessable.

What other books have been useful for you and your children?

Celebrating new lives and a new life!

One of my dearest friends has recently had her first baby. It is such an exciting yet exhausting time but unfortunately,  as we live in different states it has been really hard to be connected to her in this new journey. I have two other very close friends who are also going to be first time mums soon, both of whom live far away. I have been thinking about the early days with my eldest, and reflecting on how difficult and emotionally draining it was especially in comparison to the second time around when I at least had some clue what to expect. So, with this in mind I thought I would write them a letter.

To my dear and special friends,

Wow! You have entered that ‘magical’ realm that is motherhood – I call it serene anarchy! Congratulations! I am sad that I can’t be right by your side as you navigate these early days so I wanted to write you a letter with some thoughts. Before you worry that I am writing an essay spouting unwanted advice, I just want to say that this is hopefully not going to be that. These are just some of my random musings about little things I wish someone had told me before I had J. Admittedly it still probably would not have made much difference to the way that I struggled but they are things that may have made me giggle or given me a slightly different perspective on things.

1     1.  Your primary job in the first few weeks of your baby’s birth is to stay alive and keep bubby alive. If you have done that, then you are winning on all fronts. If you stay in your pyjamas for more than 24 hours, IT IS OK!  

2.     No matter how many times you are told ‘this too will pass,’ it still feels like forever. Its ok to have moments where you hate what your life has become.

3.     Breastfeeding for many of us is bloody painful and not that natural. It took me weeks to get used to it and not want to swear black and blue each time he latched. It did get easier and I have to say it wasn’t so bad the second time round. In the same vein, it really matters little whether you breast or bottle feed. A fed baby is a good baby.

4.     Many men, (I have surveyed other women on their view on this) have some strange inbuilt ability to not hear crying when they are sleeping. The number of times hubby said to me in the morning ‘ Oh baby had a good night didn’t he? Didn’t hear him wake….. ‘ I won’t tell you what my response was especially when I had been up several times in one night . Needless to say he learnt quickly just to ask how my night was and not make any assumptions.

5.     You will feel guilty. You will feel guilty no matter what you do. You feel guilty if you don’t do it and you feel guilty if you do it. You will feel guilty if you don’t feel guilty. Just learn to live with it, accept it and embrace it. It never stops.

6.     For every intervention that has evidence it is good for your baby there will be equal evidence that it is harmful for your baby. Just depends on what source you take it from. So, take whatever advice sits well with you and ignore the rest.

7.     Even if you are a very socially connected individual there will be times you feel extremely isolated and lonely. Walking your local streets with bub in pram / carrier or having a coffee at a café regularly can help, and it certainly gave me some respite from the loneliness.

8.     Admission to sleep school does not mean you are a failing parent. There seems to be so much stigma attached with needing extra help and guidance. I struggled through the first 6 months with J trying to find my feet with the whole sleep routine. Eventually with a combination of trial and error and also internet sleep advice it sorted itself out. With my second baby though, I knew I was going back to work early and just wanted some support. I spoke to my GP and booked myself into sleep school when S was 6 weeks old. It was fabulous and gave me the confidence to stick to a few techniques which helped all of us get some form of a routine.

9.     If you are a slightly older mum, have a type A personality and a little bit on the OCD side (which sums me up pretty well) then expect the road to be rocky. I am used to working hard but I also expect to get results if I follow all the rules and appropriate directions. Seems obvious now, but at the time I found it hard to accept that my babies wouldn’t do as book A, B or C said they would even after I carefully and diligently followed instructions!

10.  Each day, take a moment to reflect on the amazing creature that is your baby. Sometimes a little conscious mindfulness can really make the difference to your day. I have fond memories of both my bubs cackling and giggling at me with no care in the world whilst I blew raspberries on their tummies.

Finally, good luck my dear friends. Although I can’t physically be there with you I am always only a phone call away if you need a listening ear or a virtual hug. Thank you to you also for being with me and for all your patience whilst I navigated my early days.

Xxx S

Courage

Sing Song Show Time 2017

For all families, the constant juggle to balance home and work life can make the grind of daily activities mundane and mechanical. DH and I agreed a long time ago that wherever possible, we would allow each other to have some ‘alone’ time where we could recharge our batteries and also rediscover ourselves. Sometimes doing things that are outside our comfort zone can help us re-evaluate our priorities and also discover new things that can be important to us.

Growing up, I was given every opportunity to explore and develop my skills in extracurricular activities. I was also fortunate enough to attend a wonderful school where we were taught that provided we put in the hard work, we could do anything we wanted and female empowerment was a key focus. Consequently, I’ve generally been able to approach new experiences with the idea that even if I wasn’t particularly good at something I could still give it a go. This fearlessness however seems to be inversely proportional to age. The older I get, the more frightened I become to do new things. This blog included. It has been particularly petrifying for me to write about my feelings when I am not a writer. One of the things that gave me the courage to do it was attending Clare Bowditch’s singing and courage masterclass otherwise known as sing song showtime workshop.

Ironically I signed up for this work shop to try and encourage my mum to sing. Through much financial and emotional sacrifice, my parents gave me the gift of music. Something for which I will be eternally grateful. So, although my no means professional, I am certainly comfortable enough in group music situations. Mum on the other hand is a particularly modest and self-conscious woman who although loves music has always felt like she cannot sing and would not dream of doing it in public.

For those that don’t know who Bowditch is, she is an inspirational woman who happens to be an ARIA winning musician, actor, radio presenter and business entrepreneur. She runs several one day workshops a year at Abbotsford Convent in Melbourne. Singers and non-singers participate in this event and by the end of the day they perform a short concert for friends and families as a large choir. Clare’s philosophy is that anyone who can talk can sing. She is candidly open and honest about her own struggles and insecurities even as a professional musician.

“One day, it occurred to me that my fear of singing in public was really just a metaphor for my larger fears in life: the fear that if I showed you who I was, if I spoke my truth, if I made myself vulnerable, I would be criticized.” (Clare Bowditch)

Throughout the day, the group learn songs together, tell stories, share food and Clare gives you some tools to face your fears and explore your vulnerabilities. Participants are encouraged to draw from each other’s life experiences and share their own stories. Her warmth and passion for singing and for every single participant is infectious. At the end of the day we all dress up a little and perform a small concert for our family and friends. 

It was such an uplifting day and I was reminded of the pure joy that can come from something as simple as singing. Mum came away from the experience entertaining the prospect of joining a community choir. (A major step forward!)  I came away motivated to allow myself to write and try to shake off those shackles of self-doubt and judgement. Thank you Clare for giving me courage! 

Anyone looking for an inspirational and joyful experience should definitely consider the sing song showtime workshop. More information can be found on Clare’s website http://bigheartedbusiness.com.au .