It has been
5 years since I last blogged and it seems like a lifetime ago. So much has
happened in this time and strangely, in the past few months I have been feeling
a strong desire to get some of my experiences and thoughts down in words.
With the birth
of my second son baby ‘S’ 2 years ago, life suddenly accelerated into a
whirlwind of daily activity. Events, milestones and emotions that I once
thought I would be able to recollect in utmost detail have become more like an
impressionist painting in my head (although far less beautiful!). I think this
is really why I want to write; so that there is something concrete that I can
look back on when my memory truly fails me.
In 2013
when J was 20 months old he was officially diagnosed as being on the autistic
spectrum. Although very high functioning, J’s diagnosis was still heart
wrenching. It made me truly consider the things that I wanted for my child.
When it came down to it, it really is quite simple. Ultimately, like most
parents, I just want him to be able to lead a happy and fulfilled adult life. We
have certainly been on a bit of a journey learning about how best to manage his
needs and also our needs as a family. I am so grateful too that we were able to
get an early diagnosis as this has made it so much easier to understand him
better.
Over the
years people have asked me quite a few questions about the diagnosis process. I
thought I would answer some of these in this and the next few entries.
When did you first notice there
might be issues and what did you notice?
Who did you go and see?
How did the diagnosis affect you and
your family?
What resources did you use in the
early days?
As a first
time mother, you are constantly questioning everything that is happening with
your child. What is normal for one baby will not be for another. There are
endless parenting websites and so called ‘experts’ that give you conflicting
advice about how to approach different issues. It is no wonder that many of us
suffer from at least some level of post-natal depression. At a time when we are
particularly vulnerable, we are bombarded with supposedly well-meaning advice
but it constantly calls our own choices into question.
When I was
a medical student doing my paediatrics term, a very wise doctor told me to
always trust a mother’s intuition no matter how neurotic they may seem. This
has always stuck with me and when I had my own child, I tried to remember this.
So, on one level whilst I tried to convince myself everything was ok, on
another I had some concerns too.
Some of the
things I remember about J as a young baby.
1) He hated shopping centres. Even from
a few months old, if we walked into an enclosed space he would start to cry and
become very unsettled. He had to be moving if he was sitting in a pram. Heaven
forbid if I stopped pushing whilst trying to do some shopping! I was always
very jealous of the other mums who seemed to be able to go shopping whilst
their pushing their contented baby in a pram.
2) My child was always the one at
mothers’ group who seemed unsettled and needed to be picked up or soothed. I
have a vivid memory of us all at someone’s house with all the children spread
out on beautiful blankets on the floor. Of the ten babies there, 2 were asleep
on the floor, one was asleep in a carrier and 6 were lying there happy to watch
the world above them and mine…. Well mine was the one crying and unhappy and
did not settle until we walked out of there.
3) Sudden loud noises – These always
caused a major startle reflex and although I know this is normal, I remember
always thinking his were so much more pronounced than other babies. He was particularly afraid of the vacuum cleaner and the sound of an exhaust fan.
There were many 'little things' in isolation that don't really mean much, but when I pieced them together and particularly in hindsight, the diagnosis was easier to see. In my next post I'll explore how we went through the diagnosis process.
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